It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
