I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The uberlube is also flammable
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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