walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
