Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
