my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
