1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
