sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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