Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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