Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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