3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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