Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize