Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
