they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
