Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
