why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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