I think i sorta joined a cult last night
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
