Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
