She's JV to your varsity
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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