i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
