I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
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Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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