I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
