Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
