I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
