Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize