I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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