hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I want a musical about memes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
