If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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