why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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