It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
