they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Four minutes until I can fart!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
