If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In other news, I just burned my penis
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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