Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
