apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
