remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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