I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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