So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
