My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
