I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
