READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
