I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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