You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
