Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My balls are so social today.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
