Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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