Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How external is "for external use only"?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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