I will die if light touches me.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
