I only kidnapped one of them. chill
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
