so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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