My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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