I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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