My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
