i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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