I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
