Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
