Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
