i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
