I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
