I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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