is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
