The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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