Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
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we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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