we have officially lost it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
