One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
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Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
as a side note pls kill me
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