I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
one might say we're banned from that church
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
