Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
