Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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