Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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