I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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