I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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