okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
