Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dicks are not precious.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
