I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
