btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
A+ Viking dick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
