I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I smell stomach acid.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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