when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
